Larry "F-Bomb" Forelli
Larry "F-Bomb" Forelli Drop The Bombs (by Dave Leibowitz) - posted on March 12, 2009 The neighbors knew something important happened. It was loud and barely intelligible, but the voice was unmistakable. They rushed over to see what happened. And there he was, iPhone in hand, jumping up and down, spitting out language unsuitable for the worst of sailors - but he was clearly happy. Larry "F-Bomb" Forelli yelled, "THEY FUGGIN PICKED ME!!! THOSE MOTHERFUGGIN FUGGERS FUGGIN PICKED ME!!!" He handed the phone to the neighbors, Doris and Henry Schnitzelmacher who politely asked, "And who might we be speaking to? You KNOW Larry doesn't handle excitement very gracefully, right?". And that's when the Rangers, who picked this crazy sonofabitch with the 108th pick in the draft, were at a loss for words for the first time in EITHER of GM Dave Leibowitz's regimes. Later, after F-Bomb had some time to calm down, he was interviewed by local reporters. "I mean, aww fugg man, you fuggin know? This...fugg...this is fuggin amazing. I just never fuggin dreamed I'd have a fuggin shot to play in the MOTHER FUGGIN GH-FUGGIN-L!!! THE G-FUGGIN-H-FUGGIN-L!!! Fuggin A!" The rest of the interview was unprintable. F-Bomb is, unfortunately more skilled with the English language than his is with his hockey stick. He will eventually get a chance to play in the AHL, we think. But it remains to be seen if he can do so and keep his fuggin trap shut for more than 3 seconds. The GM was contacted by the same reporter but could only offer the following comment: "Umm. Yeah." Forelli Talks Trade (by Dave Leibowitz) - posted on June 28, 2009 Rangers prospect Larry "F-Bomb" Forelli called the media to give his comments on the announced trade by the Rangers to acquire the 1st overall pick. "Holy fug. I fuggin can't fuggin believe it. I can't fuggin wait to play on the same team as that fuggin goalie. That motherfugger is the fuggin BOMB!" Asked if he truly believes he's be playing for the Rangers some day, he stated: "What the fug are you saying? You think those fugs won't sign me? You bet your fuggin a$$ I'll be playing for the Rangers. How the fug else am I gonna beat the fuggin shitake mushrooms out of that Jamie Fuggin Wilsons?!?! Fuggin fug thinks he's a fuggin rapper? Thinks he's a fuggin punk? He ain't even a fuggin punk!" F-Bomb Flips Out (by Dave Leibowitz) - posted on August 6, 2009 GONNA BE A CLEAN TRAINING CAMP Rangers training camp has opened up and there are some new faces. One face that's not there, however, is Larry "F-Bomb" Forelli. Needless to say, he's a tad irate about the whole affair. "Wha-the-fug? I fuggin' trained my fuggin' a$$ off all off-season for wha? So I can stay in fuggin' juniors? Why are they even fuggin' keeping me? Release my fuggin' a$$ so I can go to the fuggin' Islanders. I'll teach Limbert how to fight better and we'll kick a shintload of Ranger fuggin' a$$." When asked to comment on the outburst, Rangers GM, Dave Leibowitz said, "Mr. Bomb is entitled to his opinion and I'm glad to see he's fired-up about this. Maybe he'll work even harder this season and prove he deserves a look." Meanwhile, Forelli announced plans to launch a line of lady's undergarments called "Fug-wear". Each article of clothing will have an embroidered "F" written in such a way that it looks like a Jamie Wilsons's Voicemail Hacked! (by Dave Leibowitz) - posted on November 9. 2009 A strange band of thieves got hold of Jamie Wilsons's cell phone and hacked into his voicemail. The messages have been posted anonymously all over the internet. Most of the messages appear to be from one person and are too vulgar to transcribe here. The cleanest and least unintelligible one is printed below. This is NSFW : Yo Jamie what the fug is up, dog? It's fuggin' Larry...F-BOMB! Yeah, dawg!!! So what the fug is up with you? How come you don't return my fuggin calls no more, dawg? I wanna meetup with you and your fuggin posse down in South Beeyotch, muddafugga! Set it the fug up! Listen, we gotta fuggin get you to NYC. You'd be the fuggin bomb and then you and me could clobber the rest of the GH-fuggin-L. Yeah, booooooyyyyy!!!! Fug yeah! Man, I don't know what the fug is wrong with these fuggin Ranger fugs not calling me the fug up. They need to call me the fug up and then you gotta get the fug up here. And if my guys can't get you here, get your fugs to get me to South Beeyotch. Fug YEAH!!! Later. VOICEMAILGATE!!! The latest on Wilsons's hacked v-mail (by Dave Leibowitz) - posted on November 9, 2009 Latest on Wilsons, F-Bomb, and VoicemailGate. Forelli denies having left messages. Quote: "I don't fuggin talk like the fug-head in that message." GM Dave Leibowitz could not be reached for comment. VOICEMAILGATE!!! The latest on Wilsons's hacked v-mail (by Dave Leibowitz) - posted on November 9, 2009 The media is eager for a comment from Panthers GM Jimbo Robinson. Leibowitz is silent. Forelli is far from silent - but that's not really news. He was spotted in a local IHOP complaining that the hash browns weren't quite brown enough. VOICEMAILGATE!!! The latest on Wilsons's hacked v-mail (by Dave Leibowitz) - posted on November 9, 2009 Another transcript leaked. Yo, J-Wil...what the fug's up, fugger? How come you'se never fuggin call me the fug back. Fuggin weak, dude...fuggin weak. We gotta fuggin hang out. Doesn't gotta be South fuggin Beeyotch, yo. But we gotta make fuggin plans. So call me, muddafugga. Don't be a fuggin Kuban-bidge. Out. VOICEMAILGATE!!! The latest on Wilsons's hacked v-mail (by Jimbo) - posted on November 9, 2009 Wilsons was finally quoted in saying "WTF backup outta my face fools before I smack that stupid talk outta yo mouf! J-Fug? Yeah we battle online a bit on EA NHL but that fool is as useless as yo Momma at it, I be schoolin his stoopid as$ 10-0 almost every game! Yo know his problem? He rages like a ho on her ragz when playing and he is like F dis and F dat and I just take the punk to skool" "I think he wants out of NY secretly, dat fool be tellin me he thinks the GM checks him out in the showers! How messed up is dat man!" VOICEMAILGATE!!! The latest on Wilsons's hacked v-mail (by Dave Leibowitz) - posted on November 9, 2009 BREAKING NEWS!!! The hackers apparently got lucky with the first password they attempted to get into Wilsons's voicemail: iluvbo Strange. Strange, indeed. VOICEMAILGATE!!! The latest on Wilsons's hacked v-mail (by Dave Leibowitz) - posted on November 11, 2009 News Flash! The Rangers are reportedly shopping F-Bomb around the league due to the recent bad press over VoicemailGate. Allegedly, there is some sort of trivia contest being used to decide the "winner" of this sweepstakes. Wild Forelli? (by Jason) - posted on November 12, 2009 Rumours are circulating around the Minnesota Wild that they have acquired tough guy Larry Forelli from the New York Rangers. Forelli, who's not shy to express his opinion, is in the middle of a controversy right now involving some voice messages he left for Jamie Wilsons of the Florida Panthers. "Voicemail Gate" as it's being called in the New York media is just another episode of many from Forelli. When Wild GM Jason Kopytko was asked to comment on the rumour his reply was "None of your fuggin business, not get that fuggin mike out of my face!" Could this be a sign for things to come? Stay tuned. Wild Update (by Jason) - posted on December 5, 2009 From the St. Paul Pioneer.... After back to back seasons in missing the playoffs, it looks like it may be another season. General Manager Jason Kopytko has stated that the team need to rebuild with youth. It was evident last year with Brendan McPhee, Jim Mullen, Keith Keczmer, and Simon Skarda seeing significant ice time, plus late season call ups Joe Simpson and Warren Shaner saw some action. One aspect that was noticeable last year with the Wild was lack of hitting. Kopytko addressed that concern in the off season by acquiring veteran hard hitting defensemen Randy Calder from Washington and Vratislav Simechek from Boston. As well Nikos Savage makes a return back to Minnesota as part of the Boston deal. However he remains a restricted free agent for now. One of the most interesting acquisitions was Larry “F-Bomb” Forelli from the New York Rangers. Forelli is famous from the Voicegate incident where thieves stole Florida Panthers Jamie Wilsons’ cell phone and published on the internet a series of voice messages Forelli left on his phone. One of those messages was right after his trade to the Wild. “Yo Jamie. Fuggin bad news. Bad fuggin news. Fuggin Rangers traded me to fuggin Wild. Who da and where da fug are they? Dave fuggin GM called me up and fuggin told me. Mother fugger!! Told him he could kiss my fuggin derriere. Dumb Fug! Call me fuggin right away.” Needless to say Kopytko wasn’t too surprised. “We knew what type of player we got when we acquired Larry. I like his fuggin attitude!” However, when Forelli was told he wasn't attending the Wild training camp, he held his own press conference in Regina. “Thanks for all fuggin cuming! This is a fuggin’ joke. I have all the fuggin talent in the world. This will be my 5th year in this fuggin town”. When told this would be his actual fourth year in Regina, Forelli remarked “I know how to fuggin’ count. By brother taught me how to fuggin’ count.” For the record, Forelli’s brother is the Special Teams coach for the Saskatchewan Roughriders in the Canadian Football League. The Roughriders would have won the Grey Cup this year, but were penalized on the last play of the game for having too many men on the field. The Montreal Allouettes went on to kick the game winning field goal and win the Grey Cup this year. Needless to say it should be interesting to see what happens this season in Minnesota. Stay tuned. Wild Update (by Jason) - posted on December 6, 2009 BREAKING NEWS...St. Paul Pioneer The Minnesota Wild have traded Korey Estonina and next year's 4th round pick to division rivals Edmonton Oilers for the Oilers 2nd round pick in 2024. "We appreciate all what Korey did for our team the last two and half years" said Wild GM Jason Kopytko. "However it was getting tough to find him a spot in our line up. With Randy Barret, Joe Simpson, Jim Mullen and Johan Graslund, we felt we had a strong core up the middle so he was expendable." There's also been a recent development regarding outspoken prospect Larry Forelli. Kopytko said the Wild have invited him to camp to see what he can do for a couple of games. " Hey, we decided to give the kid a shot", said Kopytko. "Let's see if we talks the talk and walks the walk." As for Forelli, we were able to catch up to him on his cell phone before he boarded the plane from Regina. Needless to say, he was quotable again. "Fuggin' rights! I can't wait to leave this fuggin' armpit town. Better tell the ladies in fuggin' Minnesota to get ready to fuggin' party with the Italian stallion if you fuggin' know what I mean!" Let the excitement begin.... Larry Forelli Press Conference (by Jason) - posted on February 19, 2010 Regina Leader Post reporting…. Minnesota Wild prospect Larry Forelli called a press conference this afternoon. Details were unknown, however rumours have been circulating on different levels to what could it be. With Forelli anything is possible. We’re just waiting for him to show up and oh, he’s here right now. Let’s listen in… "Tanks everyone for fuggin’ coming.” As many of you saw earlier today Tiger “Shaggin” Woods held a press conference to fuggin’ apologize for his mistakes. It takes a fuggin’ big man to step up like that and I feel I should do the fuggin’ same. To all of the lovely ladies that were fuggin’ hurt by Tiger, Larry is here to fuggin’ take care of you. I’m here to fuggin’ heal your pain baby. Larry here knows how to make you fuggin’ feel better. Just you, me and my stallion if you fuggin’ know whada I mean. Tiger may have his “wood” but I got the fuggin’ wild club baby. I’ve set up a fuggin’ 1-800 number for you ladies to call me anytime. The number is - everybody fuggin’ writing this down – 1-Larry Cares. Pretty fuggin’ good huh. I’ll also be setting up a web site –www.larrycares.com - so you send me any photos of you. Just fuggin’ T&A only. And if there is any other hot ladies out there that has had their fuggin’ heart broken by a golfer or hockey player or whatever. Feel free to fuggin’ call and send a photo too. I know my good buddy J-Willy has fuggin’ broken a lot of hearts. Some pretty ugly ones too. Those ones don’t fuggin’ call me.” Adios!” Well there you have it. Shocking but not totally surprised. He's Baaaaaack (by Dave Leibowitz) - posted on February 22, 2010 The team played decently for a road game in Game 1. Problem is, in the playoffs, a "decent" road game isn't enough. More scoring is needed or better defense. The team was outshot which is the way to beat them - need to get those shots against down in order to win Game 2. Lines will be updated with that goal in mind. Meanwhile, there are rumors a certain swirly veteran will be making a stellar return to Broadway - no, not Harvey Fierstein. Bohumil Kuban. Sources say his locker hasn't even been opened since he first left the team. GM, Dave Leibowitz says: "Everyone's afraid to touch that thing...afraid of what's festering inside it. Honestly, I'm afraid, too. Perhaps when he retires, we'll hire some HAZMAT professionals to go in there and clean it out. Or maybe we'll just build a new arena. Who knows. There's some scary sh1t in that locker for sure." Kuban was reached for comment as well: "I'm so happy to return to the New York City. I hear now they have a huge Wiemer. I cannot wait to see that, yaaaaa. I also been learning the ballet. I hear the dancer make the lots of cash. My girl-ish figure should pay off nicely in the New York. Yippy!" Reached for further comment, the GM said: "Oy vey. Someone tell me again why I'm putting myself through this aggravation...again?" Larry Forelli reached US for comment (seriously, no one here called him): "Ha, fuggin, ha, ha, ha! I'm so fuggin glad I got the fug outta that fuggin organi-fuggin-zation. If I had to be in the same locker room with that fug I'd be looking at fuggin prison time. No way does Larry fuggin Forelli put the fug up with that fuggin sh1t. Can't wait to play against the fug though. Nail him along the boards and sh1t. No, fug. DUDE! I didn't fuggin mean it THAT way. FUG no! No fuggin way! I don't fuggin go there. I'm fuggin saying I'm gonna fuggin ride him like a fuggin cowgirl. BOY! Cow-BOY! Fug man you're fuggin me up with you're fuggin questions man. I ain't no fuggin Brokeback fuggin Mountain cowboy either man. Get that fuggin sh1t outta your fuggin mind." I repeat, no one in the media called Mr. Forelli. There's something seriously wrong with that dude. Oh yeah...Julius Sleyzak may also be joining the team in a deal with the Flyers. The F-Blog (by F-Bomb) - posted on August 18, 2010 Yeah, my own fuggin blog. I don't even fuggin know what the fug a blog is but I'm fuggin doing one. So I just got fuggin traded, right? Well, fug, a lot of fugs might think that's a fuggin bummer. Not me. I'm fuggin pumped to be going to Chi-fuggin-cago. That fuggin GM has got his fuggin sh!t together, man. I fuggin KNOW I'll get the chance I fuggin deserve there. Not like it was with the fuggin North Stars or the Rangers. A lot of you fugs are probably wondering what a player does when he gets fuggin shipped out of fuggin town. Here's the fuggin rundown: 1. Pack all your fuggin sh!t. Get all the tape and sh!t you fuggin can from the equipment room. 2. Fuggin Google, man. Fuggin Google. Use that fuggin site. Find out about the place you're going. Find the local restaurants, bars, strip clubs, pharmacies, whatever the fug you think you might fuggin need. 3. Call the fuggin team captain. Tel him you're coming and that you want his fuggin job. 4. Call a fuggin realtor 'ause you'll need to fuggni live somewhere, right? I mean, seriously, man, what the fug did you think you were gonna do? Be fuggin homeless? I didn't start playing hockey so I could be fuggin homeless. Leave that to Jamie fuggin Wilsons. Anyways, there's probably a few more fuggin things I have to do but I'll leave that for another fuggin day. D@mn, that's a lot of fuggin typing for me. My fuggin fingers fuggin hurt. Out! The F-Blog (by F-Bomb) - posted on August 31, 2010 Fuggin waiver draft coming up. Talking about fuggin protecting and fuggin unprotecting guys. Talking about fuggin exposing guys. Look, I don't need a fuggin waiver draft to get guys to expose them-fuggin-selves. I just need to fuggin tell them to. They're all fuggin scared of me and would do it in a fuggin heartbeat. Not that I'd want to see any fuggin player ex-fuggin-pose himself. That's not how I get my fuggin jollies. Maybe Bo Fuggin Kuban would like it. But not me. Fuggin got it? O-fuggin-kay. The F-Blog (by F-Bomb) - posted on January 27, 2011 New fuggin' season, new fuggin' opportunities. But what the fug?!?! Chicago fuggin trades for me and now what? I'm assigned to fuggin Norfolk and the A-fuggin-HL, and they won't even let me dress for any fuggin games! So I am fuggin' here to announce a new venture. Yes, the rumors are fuggin' true. I am going to compete in the Ultimate Fighting Championship. THAT'S RIGHT FUGGERS! The U-fuggin-F-fuggin-C, BABY! Too bad they won't let me bring a fuggin' hockey stick into the fuggin' octagon. Time for me to kick some fuggin' a$$ again. So I've been training with this strong little fug. Learnin' Brazilian Jew-Ginzu and Muay Thai - that fuggin' Shatner is SPICY! Any-fuggin-way...I know there are a few Brazilian GMs here in the GHL, so maybe now that I can speak your language, you'll call me up to your teams and let me kick some fuggin' a$$ for yas. Hablo fuggin' arm bar? Cuanto un triangle choke? Fuggin' A, right? Gotta go train. The little fugger is about to attack. See ya! The F-Blog (by F-Bomb) - posted on January 28, 2011 Fuggin' Raiders? No fuggin' way. LA could be fuggin' nice, tho, bro. Sunshine. Fuggin' bidges. Too bad the fuggin' hockey there blows. Not like it fuggin' matter anymore, tho. I'm going for the fuggin' UFC title, baby! Washington (by WashingtonGM) - posted on March 11, 2011 January 11th 2026 End of practice Lucido sat down with a grunt, his shoulders instantly slumped. His locker was bare except for one picture. The last picture he had had of his cat Baxter. He didn't know what to do about it. He hadn't heard anything else from the men who had stolen his cat. Looking around at the men around him he did not see how they would ever get to the playoffs. Did that mean he was going to get Baxter sent back in pieces. The thought made him angry. He stood up quickly to grab the picture. Yan Champagne was walking past as he stood up and the two collided. Yan cursed and pushed Lucido. Lucido's feet tripped over the bench and he fell backwards. He leapt back up to his feet but before he could push Yan back he found himself being held back by Boner and Gluky. "Watch where you are going." Champagne said. "This is my locker room. I don't care who you are. Don't forget that." Lucido shook off Boner and Gluky and glared at everyone looking at him. Boner laughed "Easy man. You've been tense for days. This isn't San Jose man. Relax. We play hard but we don't take it home with us." "And that is why other teams don't take you seriously." He replied. Boner patted his shoulder. "They know to take me seriously." "Its not even that I am worried about." Lucido sighed and turned away. Gluky grabbed his shoulder and pulled him close. He looked around quickly and then leaned in. "They got to you didn't they?" Lucido was unable to hide his shock. "Who are they?" He asked. "They are serious man. You better watch your back and do exactly what they said." Gluky said. "They went after me before too." "They told me we had to make the playoffs." Lucido replied. "Oh man, you are screwed." Boner laughed. Lucido realized he didn't like him. "They come after almost everyone. There is only one of thing I can think of if you can't just do what they say. There is a guy that has dealt with them before. He is crazy man, almost as bad as dealing with them, some say worse. But I can get you in touch with him if you want." Lucido looked at Gluky and Boner. They both looked completely serious. Was it really possible they had a solution to his problem? It was worth the shot. "Who is he?" He asked. "Shh, we don't say his name out loud. I don't want his attention. Boner, you got a piece of paper?" Boner managed to pull out a piece of paper and they borrowed a pen from someone. Gluky scribble down the number quickly and wrote a name beside it. He looked at Lucido uneasily. "I never gave you his number. I don't know anything. I didn't tell you anything. Got it?" "Yeah yeah, whatever. Thanks." Lucido did and he took the piece of paper. He looked down at it and frowned. Larry Forelli 960-555-1276 The F-Blog (by F-Bomb) - posted on January 3, 2014 Am I in the fuggin Hall of fuggin Fame yet? Eklund's Rumors (by F-Bomb) - posted on December 3, 2014 Here's a fuggin tip for you. Larry Forelli is coming after every fuggin GM who did him wrong. You will all get fuggin fugged up. That's fuggin right. Fugged. Up. The F-Blog (by F-Bomb) - posted on March 6, 2015 My fuggin prediction for the current fuggin season: F-bomb will make a fuggin HUGE fuggin comeback. You fuggin heard it here first, you fuggin fugs. I've been fuggin working out with Alex fuggin Rodriguez and Barry fuggin Bonds. That's fuggin right. Fuggin A-Rod and fuggin B-Rod. And I'm F-Rod, you fugs. That's right. Wait'll they fuggin see me now. I'm ready for my fuggin close-up Mr. Fuggin Cadillac DeMille. The F-Blog (by F-Bomb) - posted on March 9, 2015 Fuggin wow. Is Ivan Fuggin Bonk the dummiest fuggin fug ever? Or fuggin what? He fuggin needs me to fuggin straighten him the fug out. Maybe a fuggin left hook. Or a right fuggin cross. Or a fuggin crane kick like the Karate fuggin Kid. Beat his fuggin a$$ till he's fuggin smart.